grandma has taken ill

I'm getting to know SGH pretty well. Grandma had fell on Monday. Her hip joint is broken. Operation needed to fix the broken part.

jackie - the day the dog came

found a person who was willing to let me try out his dog for 1 day to see if we would be able to adopt. Lovely dog, i thought. Small German Shephard.

However, see my girls' faces ! At one point, they called me out of the house for a serious family conference. So us three girls sat in a triangle and the 2 kids tilted their head in a questioning look. I could almost hear Chrissi saying: "mom, what were you tinking?"

Nicki boy took 1 look at the dog and left the house. Boys are boys.

Eventually, i returned the dog. I'm not a dog person, can't force myself. I tried to love the dog while he was there and he protected me against everyone, growling at Meow, growling at maid. Good thing he ignored the cats completely, like they were lizards or something, drove the girls mad! Anyway, i can't stand the constant attention, him following me wherever i went. Oh.. and him licking my lips when i wasn't paying attention.. oooohhhh...

Tourists of Oz part II

Sydney Day 2 - Friday - Whole morning, Meow pouted and pouted and threw tantrums over my saying that meeting the Aussie colleagues were the highlights of the trip. He wanted to be the highlight and nothing I said could make him happy again. Ha. It was very difficult looking for Frenchs Forest (Sydney office) without GPRS and Meow got into worse tantrums.

Fortunately, Aussies were nice people and the 3 i asked along the way at 3 junctions were very helpful. Aussie colleagues were happy to see me, but even happier to see Meow as he used to be their boss! They almost hugged him i think. That cured Meow's tantrums. :) on the way to Blue Mountains he apologized to me for being a brat in the morning and said that meeting the colleagues were indeed real fun!

We spent the night at the Blue Mountains. It's the nice nature thing that Meow likes and he's estatic! Poor me had to walk through the mountains with him and was scared because i have phobia of stairs from spraining my ankles too many times and the walks were full of them!

Only managed to catch 2 of the 3 sisters. The prettiest sister is hidden from where i was standing. See if you can see the faces!

Complains complains: Quantas left 1 of our luggages (with laptop, house keys, meow's IWC) at the Sydney airport and had to deliver it to our place the next day. Meow & co: "so hate! so hate!"

Tourists of Oz

Went to Melbourne/Sydney with Meow last Tues. Was a great break.

Tuesday - landed in Melbourne airport, rented a Hertz Toyota Camry, !!! no GPRS system! Impacted the whole trip as I did not print out any maps. Managed to find our way to the Crown hotel (original rate 800AUD, wotif.com rate 300AUD). Walked across the bridge to the Aquarium and saw sharks. what big ones!

Didn't make it in time to see the rest of the musuems. one of the musuem recep allowed us in for free for 15 mins cos it's closing time. We went for a walk around in China town... the wind started and it got quite cold.

Meow saw a nice pair of cufflinks selling (200AUD). Luckily we didn't buy it cos we got to buy the same for 30AUD at Sydney airport a few days later.

Met our handsome colleague for dinner and i passed him a Terry Pratchet book. As a co-fan of the author, he was trilled. Meow was disappointed with the oysters, he was expecting huge ones. hahah.

We won 5AUD at the casino at night, after 3 hours of struggle.. was fun.

Wednesday - the longest drive ever. I'm the silly meow that didn't know Melbourne to Sydney drive along the Freeway is 8 hours with nothing to see on the way there at all. Good thing Meow didn't get angry.. just a lot of poutings along the way and complaining that as a Singaporean I have no idea how big a country can be... hee hee hee.. true true.

Arrived in Wollongong (great recommendation by the old uncle bellboy at the Crown) at dinner time. Nice little town. Stayed Ibis Hotel, thanks to Meow's secretary who booked it for us on Wotif when i called her during the long drive.

Thursday - went to the beach at Wollongong. nice. saw seagulls and surfers. Went to Crown Street Spotlight. Disappointed cos that's the only store that sells Yarn in Wollongong and the prices are the same as in SG. Nevertheless, Meow encouraged me to buy some mohair yarn (32 balls!!!) that he thought was nice, sweet sweet meow. Had some lunch and Meow got his Latte and we were on the road again to Sydney.

Arrived in Sydney, we went for a drink. in his drunken state Meow poured half my grasshopper on his black berry so at home the cats are in the habit of giving it a lick now and then. Wild life park is a small cubic building which contains more than we could guess. Kind of like the harry potter magic house where the exterior looks small but the interior is a whole zoo. Went Sydney opera house, nearly caught Macbeth but unfortunately tickets all sold out. they would be showing marriage of Figaro the next day but we won't be around to catch it.

Blue mountains and Sydney office folks, next blog.

cancer is a leering stalker

Aunt mentioned in her diary that cancer is a phantom that followed her wherever she went. Brief translation of one of her entry:

"Lying in bed late at night. Can't sleep so thought i'd write down my thoughts and feelings.

18 years ago, cancer first found me. It was unbelievable. Why me? Back then, oldest son was 8 and the baby was still 5 mths old in me. I told myself, i couldn't give up. I have to bring up the older one and the "Xiao Gua" is waiting to be born.

A few years passed, surviving on medication, until cancer found my other breast. Treatment ensued, chemo, injection, chemo, injection. A year ago, it moved to my chin. Cancer is like a phantom that followed me closely.

I ask myself, why me? Dao mei (unlucky)? Or did I do some 'Que De Shi' (immoral action) in my past life that demands i live this life as a pay back?...."

Past few days in Aus was spent in gladness at times and tearfulness at others. My meow did not stop me from grieving. Thanks meow.

Thinking back 7 years ago when i lost my dear dear cousin, I was hit even stronger then because it was so unexpected. I would walk down the street and for no reason be overwhelmed in sadness and start crying uncontrollably. My then useless boyfriend would get all disturbed and angry and say "You know, when you do that i don't know what to do." Duh. So glad to have found you, Meow. Thanks for the hugs.

death is permanent seperation

Friday
As per the last few days, I went home for dinner, planning to bring my parents to the hospital. Just when I was finishing my dinner, Da Yi called. So I told my mom we had to leave immediately. Mom started crying.
I went to park the car and was later in reaching the hospital than my parents whom i dropped off. When I arrived at the ward, mom was already crying. She told me aunt has passed on. I couldn't quite believe it. Something told me aunt couldn't have just passed on without me being there. I hung around in a state of disbelief until the nurse who went in attached a heart beat monitor to aunt’s heart and came out pronouncing that my aunt’s heart is still beating, only she has ceased to breathe.
Immediately, we filed into the room. Aunt’s body is frozen, she looked like the last thing she did was trying to fight for breath. We looked at her silently while her heart went tick tick tick.
My dad told my cousins to get her to pass on so the family took turns to ask her to let go, with uncle in law assuring her multiple times that he will take care of the children.
After 40 mins of heart beating without a single breath, aunt decided to leave us after uncle in law shouted loudly that he will take care of the children.
More family members start to arrive, but they were too late. Aunt is gone. Uncle in law’s heart started beating too fast and he collapsed to A&E.
All the cousins and uncles and aunts started to help my cousin with the preparations for aunt’s final passage. Phone calls, choices were made. The wake starts the next day, Saturday.

Everybody commented on how considerate my aunt was, and still is, even on topic of her death. She picked a Friday night, so that we don't have to work/take leave for the preparation and for the wake.

Saturday

AM, I reached home at 1am after sending my 4 aunt-in-law home to Tampines. I sat down in front of the TV. Mind in numbing disbelief. At 3 I went to bed, still in numbing disbelief. I stared at the ceiling till 7 in the morning, dozing off once or twice slightly to dream of other members in the extended family dying.
I reached aunt’s house at 9am and chanced upon a diary which she left on the living room table. I sought my cousin’s permission to read it and he said ok. Reading it, my tears started to drop and the heaviness in heart finally was released.
In the diary starting Jan 07, aunt recorded how she had combated with cancer for the past 15 years. She also had one passage where she said that the treatment was too painful and she wanted to just give up and die.
2pm, the coffin was delivered to the temporary tent set up downstairs. Aunt looks peacefully asleep, although she’s much wrinklier that I remembered. Aunt was a real beauty when she was young (I’m not saying this because she’s my aunt) and she had the very wen rou look. We brought out one of her younger days picture to show the family members who arrived.
Day passed without much event. Kevin, Clifford and I helped with the cash collection.
That night, I slept well.

Sunday
The same happened. I helped with cash, sent 4 uncle back to tampines. Meow is back. I slept well.
Monday (Today)
This is the last day I will see my aunt as I’m flying off to Melbourne tonight. I will take one last look at her and remember her as how I’ve seen her the past 28 years. Bye bye aunt.

sick aunt

yesterday went to the hospital with mom again. Actually very tired after 3 days of driving north to east, to west, back to east, back to north. Also very drained from seeing aunty unconscious and frequently in pain and not responding to us.

mom's crying on and off, so to manage the situation, i'm upping my positive vibes and saying encouraging things. many a times the tears threaten to spill but i channel my mind to other stuff and gave myself some emotional booster.

I don't know why my aunt's life is so tough. She had 2 miscarriages before she had her 2nd child who came just when she was diagnosed with cancer. Her choice to delay a year of treatment resulted in her cancer situation deteriorating badly. She had to remove her breast to control the spreading of cancer cells. For the past 15 years, she survived bravely, working to support her family and living on strongly. last year, cancer came to claim her again, this time hanging around her chin. Treatment was a painful process and injections so painful she would cry despite being a strong character and despite always trying to assure us that everything is fine.

I drove her to NUH only once for the treatment, i wish i could afford more time... I know how difficult it is to travel on the public transport to NUH a few times a week. Thankfully and sadly, these will all end soon.

It is impossible to undestand how such a kind and responsible and loving soul can have such an incredibly hard life.

These few days in the hospital, i'm being to know my aunt in law better. the family always doubted his sincerity due to his weird joking at everything attitude. we all thought he's not sincere with my aunt and thought my aunt is only bearing with him. However, he is the only one who can feed her water now as in her semi-consciousness, she can only recognize his voice.

to be fair, there may be a lot of things outsiders do not understand of a married couple so i'm done being mean. He may be an angel to her for all everyone knows.

Hope my aunt will pay off all her debts in her past life by living such a hard life now and get reborned in a loving household where she can live well. Yesterday, I silently told her that if she should fail to recover this time, I'll sacrifice and have a kid and she can get reborn as the kid. I promise i'll give her as good a life as i can afford.

lilo

Photo sent to me by Lilo's mom. might adopt her if all goes well. Meow is so excited he called me from US this morning to bark. when i said "hi Meow" he said, "i'm no more meow! i'm a woof woof now!" Suddenly sorry that i've deprived him of a doggie for so long.

have to quote Lilo's mom's words. So farnie:

"Lilo is really lucky to be 'upgraded' to a 'resident' of a landed property. I sort of told her about it that she has a greater responsibilty to look after a bigger house ( compared to my exec flat ) . She wags her tail and seems to response yes to me."

Would be difficult for the mom to let go of Lilo i think.

on a more somber note, my 2nd aunt is critically ill. she's sleeping all the time now, doc suspect the cancer has gone to the brains. She just came to my house for new year and all seemed ok. However, she has been quite sick since last year so I guess it was inevitable.