sick aunt

yesterday went to the hospital with mom again. Actually very tired after 3 days of driving north to east, to west, back to east, back to north. Also very drained from seeing aunty unconscious and frequently in pain and not responding to us.

mom's crying on and off, so to manage the situation, i'm upping my positive vibes and saying encouraging things. many a times the tears threaten to spill but i channel my mind to other stuff and gave myself some emotional booster.

I don't know why my aunt's life is so tough. She had 2 miscarriages before she had her 2nd child who came just when she was diagnosed with cancer. Her choice to delay a year of treatment resulted in her cancer situation deteriorating badly. She had to remove her breast to control the spreading of cancer cells. For the past 15 years, she survived bravely, working to support her family and living on strongly. last year, cancer came to claim her again, this time hanging around her chin. Treatment was a painful process and injections so painful she would cry despite being a strong character and despite always trying to assure us that everything is fine.

I drove her to NUH only once for the treatment, i wish i could afford more time... I know how difficult it is to travel on the public transport to NUH a few times a week. Thankfully and sadly, these will all end soon.

It is impossible to undestand how such a kind and responsible and loving soul can have such an incredibly hard life.

These few days in the hospital, i'm being to know my aunt in law better. the family always doubted his sincerity due to his weird joking at everything attitude. we all thought he's not sincere with my aunt and thought my aunt is only bearing with him. However, he is the only one who can feed her water now as in her semi-consciousness, she can only recognize his voice.

to be fair, there may be a lot of things outsiders do not understand of a married couple so i'm done being mean. He may be an angel to her for all everyone knows.

Hope my aunt will pay off all her debts in her past life by living such a hard life now and get reborned in a loving household where she can live well. Yesterday, I silently told her that if she should fail to recover this time, I'll sacrifice and have a kid and she can get reborn as the kid. I promise i'll give her as good a life as i can afford.