Stunned

left something in beijing. what is it? my soul? my ignorance? my complacence? my brother? my knitting needle? a feeling?

i can't find out. cos i don't want to. life has changed. things at office, at home, in singapore have faded in colour. i've brought back with me a deep sadness. could it be the palace? was it the grievances in the air that affected me without my knowing? this trip was sobering. it took off my permanent high.

i find myself watching TV without knitting at the same time. I find myself staring blankly at the screen without realizing what the show is about

what's worse is i don't want to pick myself up.